ROAR.
freak i just realised when i blog it's only to vent anger, when im sad, or when im bored ._.

So yeah, I'm feeling depressed again ._.
out of the blue.
I guess it's cause I'm tired and stressed
I have to hyponotise myself to stay positive. goshes.
I'm such a fail --" , i tell people to stay positive and encourage them but i fail to do it to myself.
omg how weird can i get ._.
But, yeah whatever my life is fail.
I just realised that there is nothing great about myself, how loser have I been living my 14 years of life.How much i hated myself and how much I wish time could go back and mostly how much I want to make up to people and things I've hurt or neglected in my life.
And after thinking so much, i just realised I don't deserve to stay in this world called Earth.

Maybe i won't fall because of this set backs.
It's me who made me fall. Badly. Painfullly.
And I would not be able to make it up.
Yeah whatever. I suck, yeah I'm a total stupid failure loser.
This life is not for me.
I rather my life to be like I'm a monkey.
Running around without worries.
Either I survive or die. That's it, no worries.
FREAK I REALLY WANNA BE A MONKEY./crys&whines/

/zombies around/ I want to throw this brain away.
I hate life.
I shall play safe from now onwards.
I'm afraid. I can't trust myself anymore.
I will not show my weakness ever again. Never Ever.
I'll not make the same mistakes I made.

I will survive, I'll not be burnt.
I can . I will . I must .

Fate, Stop playing with me. I beg you.

Dear Huang Xin Yi,
I promise I'll never shed a tear again.
I'll protect myself, I'll live on happily ever after.
Even if i have to be half alive.